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Sir Humphrey was enjoying his little moment of history. He was in the twilight of his career, long since past his parliamentary heyday, and even the little misunderstanding over his holiday in the West Indies had helped bring him greater recognition and attention around the Westminster circuit than he had enjoyed for many years. Who knows, if he handled this correctly, his secret longing for a seat in the House of Lords might yet be fulfilled. He sat on the raised dais of the Committee Room, flanked by his lieutenants, and called the meeting to order.
'Since there has been such an unprecedentedly large number of names on the ballot paper, I propose to read the results out in alphabetical order'
This was unwelcome news for David Adams, the former Leader of the House who had been banished to discontented exile on the backbenches by Coilingridge's first reshuffle. Having spent the last two years criticising all the major economic decisions which he had supported whilst in Government, he had hoped for a good showing in order to establish his claim for a return to Cabinet. He stood there stoically, hiding his grief as Newlands announced he had received only twelve votes. He was left to wonder what had happened to all those firm promises of support he had received while Sir Humphrey continued with his roll call. None of the next four names, including McKenzie's, could muster the support of more than twenty of their colleagues with Paul Goddard, the maverick Catholic who had stood on the single issue of banning all forms of legalised abortion, receiving only three. He shook his head defiantly; his rewards were not to be of the earthly kind.
Sir Humphrey had only three more names to announce - Samuel, Urquhart and Woolton - and a total of 281 votes to distribute. The level of tension soared as those present recalled that a minimum of 169 votes was required for success on the first ballot. A couple of huge side bets were instantly concluded in one comer as two Honourable Members wagered that there would, after all, be a result on the first round.
The Right Honourable Michael Samuel' intoned the chairman, '99 votes'
In the dead silence of the Committee Room, the sound of a tug blowing its klaxon three times as it passed on its way up the Thames could be clearly heard. A ripple of amusement covered the tension, and Samuel muttered that it was a pity tug masters didn't have a vote. He was clearly disappointed to be such a long way from the necessary winning total, particularly after Earle's withdrawal.
The Right Honourable Francis Urquhart - 91 votes.'
Two of the gamblers in the comer looked crestfallen as they calculated the final figure.
The Right Honourable Patrick Woolton - 91 votes'
There was general commotion as the tension ebbed, congratulations and condolences were exchanged, and one Member leaned around the door to give the highlights to the anxious press.
'Accordingly' Sir Humphrey continued, 'no candidate has been elected and there-will be a second round of balloting a week today. I would remind everyone that those wishing to offer themselves as candidates for the second ballot must resubmit their nominations to me by Thursday. I declare this meeting closed!'
Urquhart was giving some celebratory drinks to colleagues in his room. It was one of the finest offices available to a Member, located on the premises rather than in one of the various annexes spotted around the periphery of the Palace of Westminster, large and airy with a gracious bow window offering a fine view across the river to the Archbishop of Canterbury's ancient Gothic home at Lambeth Palace. The room was now crowded with several dozen Members, all offering their best wishes for the Chief Whip's success. Wryly he noted that it was the first time during the campaign that he had seen some of these faces, but he did not mind. Votes were votes, wherever they came from.
'Quite splendid, Francis. Absolutely excellent result. Do you think you can go on to win?' enquired one of his senior parliamentary colleagues.
'I believe so,' Urquhart responded with quiet confidence. 'I suspect I have as good a chance as anyone.'
'I think you're right, you know,' his colleague said. 'Young Samuel may be ahead, but his campaign is going backwards. It's between the experienced heads of you and Patrick now. And, Francis, I want you to know that you have my wholehearted support.'
Which, of course, you will want me to remember when I have my hands on all that Prime Ministerial patronage, he thought to himself while he offered his gratitude and a fresh drink to his guest.
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