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But now she had it, and the beam came through the open attic doorand ran along the sloping dark boards of the inner roof.
She stepped into the attic and switched off the torch. She lookedaround very cautiously, her eyes filling with the white light comingthrough the round windows. It was possible to see things fairlydistinctly here because of those round windows, and because the street-lamps were so close.
Then she found me with her eyes. She looked right at me in thecorner.
"Why are you frightened?" she asked. Her voice was soothing.
I realized I was jammed into the corner, legs crossed, kneesbeneath my chin, arms locked around my legs, looking up at her.
"I... I am sorry...." I said. "I was afraid ... that I had frightenedyou. I was ashamed that I had caused you distress. I felt that I'd beenunforgivably clumsy."She stepped towards me, fearlessly. Her scent filled the atticslowly, like the vapor from a pinch of burning incense.
She looked tall and lithesome in the flowered dress, with the laceat her cuffs. Her short black hair covered her head like a little capwith curls against her cheeks. Her eyes were big and dark, and mademe think of Roger.
Her gaze was nothing short of spectacular. She could haveunnerved a predator with her gaze, the light striking the bones of hercheeks, her mouth quiet and devoid of all emotion.
"I can leave now if you like," I said tremulously. "I can simply getup very slowly and leave without hurting you. I swear it. You mustnot be alarmed.""Why you?" she asked.
"I don't understand your question," I said. Was I crying? Was Ijust shivering and shaking? "What do you mean, why me?"She came in closer and looked down at me. I could see her verydistinctly.
Perhaps she saw a mop of blond hair and the glint of light in myglasses and that I seemed young.
I saw her curling black eyelashes, her small but firm chin, and theway that her shoulders so abruptly sloped beneath her lace andflowered dress that she seemed hardly to have shoulders at all梐 longsketch of a girl, a dream lily woman. Her tiny waist beneath the loosefabric of the waistless dress would be nothing in one's arms.
There was something almost chilling about her presence. Sheseemed neither cold nor wicked, but just as frightening as if she were!
Was this sanctity? I wondered if I had ever been in the presence of atrue saint. I had my definitions for the word, didn't I?
"Why did you come to tell me?" she asked tenderly.
"Tell you what, dearest?" I asked.
"About Roger. That he's dead." She raised her eyebrows verylightly. "That's why you came, wasn't it? I knew it when I saw you. Iknew that Roger was dead. But why did you come?"She came down on her knees in front of me.
I let out a long groan. So she'd read it from my mind! My bigsecret. My big decision. Talk to her? Reason with her? Spy on her?
Fool her? Counsel her? And my mind had slapped her abruptly withthe good news: Hey, honey, Roger's dead!
She came very close to me. Far too close. She shouldn't. In amoment she'd be screaming. She lifted the dead electric torch.
"Don't turn on your flashlight," I said.
"Why don't you want me to? I won't shine it in your face, I promise.
I just want to see you.""No.""Look, you don't frighten me, if that's what you're thinking," shesaid simply, without drama, her thoughts stirring wildly beneath herwords, her mind embracing every detail in front of her.
"And why not?""Because God wouldn't let something like you hurt me. I knowthat. You're a devil or an evil spirit. You're a good spirit. I don'tknow. I can't know. If I make the Sign of the Cross you might vanish.
But I don't think so. What I want to know is, why are you sofrightened of me? Surely it's not virtue, is it?""Wait just a second, back up. You mean you know that I'm nothuman?""Yes. I can see it. I can feel it! I've seen beings like you before. I'veseen them in crowds in big cities, just glimpses. I've seen manythings. I'm not going to say I feel sorry for you, because that's verystupid, but I'm not afraid of you. You're earthbound, aren't you?""Absolutely," I said. "And hoping to stay that way indefinitely.
Look, I didn't mean to shock you with the news. I loved your father.""You did?""Yes. And . . . and he loved you very much. There are things hewanted me to tell you. But above all, he wanted me to look out foryou.""You don't seem capable of that. You're like a frightened elf.
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