|
all the way to the moment I had pitched myself through the door ofthe flat last night.
I told them everything. Every word spoken byMemnoch and GodIncarnate. Everything I had seen in Heaven and in Hell and onEarth. I told them about the smell and the colors of Jerusalem. I toldthem and told them and told them....
The story devoured the night. It ate the hours, as I paced, raving,repeating those parts I wanted to get exactly right, the stages ofEvolution which had shocked the angels, and the vast libraries of Heaven,and the peach tree with both bloom and fruit, and God, and the sol-dier lying on his back in Hell, refusing to give in. I described to themthe details of the interior of Hagia Sophia. I talked about the nakedmen on the battlefield. Over and over I described Hell. I describedHeaven. I repeated my final speech, that I couldn't help Memnoch, Icouldn't teach in this school!
They stared at me in utter silence.
"Do you have the veil?" Dora asked, her lip quivering. "Do youstill have it?"So tender was the tilt of her head, as if she'd forgive me in aninstant if I said, No, I lost it in the street, I gave it to a beggar!
"The veil proves nothing," I said. "Whatever is on the veil meansnothing! Anyone who can make illusions like that can make a veil!
It proves neither truth nor lies, neither trickery nor witchery northeophany.""When you were in Hell," she asked, so kindly, so gently, herwhite face shining in the warmth of the lamp, "did you tell Roger youhad the veil?""No, Memnoch wouldn't let me. And I only saw him for a minute,you see, one second it was one way, and then it was another. But he'sgoing up, I know he is, he's going because he's clever and he's figuredit out, and Terry will go with him! They will be in the arms of Godunless God is a cheap magician and all of this was a lie, but a lie forwhat? For what purpose?""You don't believe what Memnoch asked of you?" asked Armand.
Only at this moment did I realize how shaken he was, how like theboy he must have been when made a vampire, how young and full ofearthly grace. He wanted it to be true!
"Oh, yes, I do!" I said. "I believed him, but it could all be a lie,don't you see?""Didn't you feel it was true," asked Armand, "that he neededyou?""What?" I demanded. "Are we back to that, arguing whether ornot when we serve Satan we serve God? You and Louis arguing aboutthat in the Theater of the Vampires, if we are children of Satan, arewe children of God?""Yes!" said Armand. "Did you believe him?""Yes. No. I don't know," I said. "I don't know!" I shouted it. "Ihate God as much as I ever did. I resent them both, damn them!""And Christ?" Dora asked, her eyes filled with tears. "Was Hesorry for us?""Yes, in His own way. Yes. Perhaps. Maybe. Who knows! But Hedidn't go through the Passion as a man alone, as Memnoch hadbegged Him to do, He carried His cross as God Incarnate. I tell youtheir rules are not our rules! We have conceived of better rules! Weare in the hands of mad things!"She broke into soft, sorrowful cries.
"Why are we never, never to know?" she cried.
"I don't know!" I declared. "I know they were there, that theyappeared to me, that they let me see them. And still I don't know!"David was scowling, scowling rather like Memnoch could scowl,deep in thought. Then he asked:
"And if it was all a series of images and tricks, things drawn fromyour heart and your mind, what was the purpose? If it was not astraight proposition that you become his lieutenant or prince, thenwhat could have been the motive?""What do you think?" I asked. "They have my eye! I tell you nota word of it is a lie from me. They've got my bloody eye, damn it. Idon't know what it was all about, unless it was true, absolutely true tothe last syllable.""We know you believe it's true," said Armand. "Yes, you believeit completely. You bore witness. I believe it's true. All of my longwandering through the valley of death, I've believed it was true!""Don't be a common fool," I said bitterly.
But I could see the flame in Armand's face; I could see the ecstasyand the sorrow in his eyes. I could see the entire galvanization of hisform with belief, with conversion.
"The clothes," said David thoughtfully, calmly, "in the otherroom. You've gathered them all up, and the evidence will tell somescientific tale.""Stop thinking like a scholar. These are Beings who play at agame only they can understand. What is it to them to make pineneedles and dirt cling to my clothes, but yes, I saved those relics, yes, I'vesaved everything but my goddamned eye, which I left on the steps ofHell so I could get out. I, too, want to analyze the evidence on thoseclothes. I, too, want to know what forest it was where I walked andlistened to him!""They let you get out," said David.
152/163 首页 上一页 150 151 152 153 154 155 下一页 尾页
|
