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"There was no magic," Memnoch said quietly. "There were noenchantments. I didn't teach them to make swords! I didn't teachthem war. If there was knowledge amongst another people on Earth,and I knew of that, I told them. That in the valley of another river,men knew how to gather wheat with scythes! That there wereOphanim in Heaven, Angels who were round, Angels who werewheels, and that if this shape was imitated in matter, if a simple pieceof wood connected two rounded pieces, one could make an objectwhich would roll upon these wheels!"He gave a sigh. "I was sleepless, I was crazed. As the knowledgepoured forth from me, as they were worn down by it, and struggledunder the burden of it, I went to the caves and carved my symbols onthe walls. I carved pictures of Heaven and Earth and angels. I carvedthe light of God. I worked tirelessly until every mortal muscle in meached.
"And then, unable to endure their company anymore, satiatedwith beautiful women, and clinging to Lilia for comfort, I went offinto the forest, claiming I needed to talk to my God in silence, andthere I collapsed.
"I lay in perfect stillness, comforted by the silent presence ofLilia, and I thought of all that had taken place. I thought of the case Ihad meant to lay before God, and how what I had learnt since hadonly fitted neatly into the case I had meant to make! Nothing I hadseen in men could incline me to think differently. That I had of-fended God, that I had lost Him forever, that I had Sheol to lookforward to, for all eternity, these things were real and I knew them,and they beat on my soul and heart. But I couldn't change my mind!
"The case I had meant to lay before the Almighty was that thesepeople were above Nature and beyond Nature and demanded moreof Him, and all that I had seen only upheld me in what I believed.
How they had taken to celestial secrets. How they suffered, andsought for some meaning to justify that suffering! If only there were aMaker and the Maker had his reasons ... Oh, it was agony. And at theheart of it blazed the secret of lust.
"In the orgasm, as my seed had gone into the woman, I had felt anecstasy that was like the joy of Heaven, I had felt it and felt it only inconnection with the body that lay beneath me, and for one split second or less than that I had known, known, known that men were notpart of Nature, no, they were better, they belonged with God andwith us!
"When they came to me with their few confused beliefs梬erethere not invisible monsters everywhere?桰 told them no. Only Godand the Heavenly Court which ordained everything, and the souls oftheir own in Sheol.
"When they asked if bad men and women梬ho did not obeytheir laws梬ere not thrown at death into fire forever梐n idea verycurrent amongst them and others桰 was horrified, and told themthat God would never allow such a thing. A wee newborn soul to bepunished in fire forever? Atrocity, I told them. Once again, I said tothem that they should venerate the souls of the Dead to ease theirown pain and the pain of those Souls, and that when death came theyshould not be afraid but go easily in the gloom and keep their eyes onthe brilliant light of Life on Earth.
"I said most of these things because I simply didn't know what tosay.
"Oh, blasphemy. I had done it, I had really done it. And now whatwould be my fate? I would grow old and die, a venerated teacher, andbefore I did梠r before some pestilence or wild beast cut off my lifesooner桰 would engrave into stone and clay everything I could. Andthen into Sheol I would go, and I would begin to draw the souls tome, and I would say: 'Cry, cry to Heaven!' I would teach them to lookupwards. I would say the Light is there!"He took a breath, as if each word burnt him with pain.
I spoke again softly from the Book of Enoch. " 'And now, beholdthe souls of those who have died are crying and making suit to thegates of heaven.' ""Yes, you know your scriptures like a good Devil," he said bitterly,but his face was so stricken with sadness and compassion, andthis mockery was said with such feeling, that it had no sting. "Andwho knew what might happen?" he asked. "Who knew! Yes, yes, Iwould strengthen Sheol until those cries battered Heaven's gates andbrought them down. If you have souls and your souls can grow, thenyou can be as angels! That was the only hope I had, to rule amongstthe forgotten of God.""But God didn't let this happen, did he? He didn't let you die inthat body.""No. And he didn't send the Flood either. And all that I hadtaught was not washed in a Deluge. What remained, what worked itsway into myth and scripture was that I had been there, and that thosethings had been taught, and it was within the compass of a man tohave done it; it was within logic, and not magic, and even the secretsof Heaven were what the souls would on their own perhaps havecome to see. Sooner or later, the souls would have seen.""But how did you get out of it? What happened to Lilia?""Lilia? Ah, Lilia. She died venerated, the wife of a god. Lilia." Hiswhole face brightened and he laughed. "Lilia," he said again,memory lifting her out of the story and bringing her close, obviously. "MyLilia. Cast out, and casting her lot with a god.""God had taken you by that time?" I asked. "He had put a stop towhat you were doing?"We gazed at each other for a moment. "Not quite so simple. I'dbeen there three months perhaps when I woke up and discoveredMichael and Raphael had come for me, and said very distinctly: 'Godwants you now.'
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